Shabana Azmi On Ageing: Elders deserve dignified life, not a room to stay in

Veteran actor Shabana Azmi emphasised the need to consider old age as a second childhood and to have more sensitivity towards ageing people. At a recent event in Gurugram, the 74-year-old actor said, “I felt we don't deal with aging. So, if our parents grow old, we let them be in their room. Once in a blue moon, they will come out for Holi, Diwali, or Eid, otherwise, they are lying at home. I never used to do that." She insisted on taking her mother (Shaukat Azmi) along with her while travelling.

In an exclusive interview with ‘India Today’, Shabana questioned why it is acceptable to travel with excessive luggage for children but not for parents? Why can't we care for our aging parents in the same way we take care of our children? 

The Masoom actor said, "If I had a child, everybody would accept that I have to carry so much samaan (luggage) with me for the child. So, why not for my parents? They have done it for me for so many years. I am who I am because of them, so why not? Old people should lead as natural and dignified a life as when they were young."

Shabana Azmi, daughter of renowned Urdu poet Kaifi Azmi, believes that if people start considering old age as a second childhood, things would become easier for both caregivers and those ageing. She stressed that children should not "shove changes into the face" of their ageing parents.

In India, Shabana believes there is a dire need for increased sensitivity towards old people, rather than just thinking of them as a blessing.

"We are happy to put them (our ageing parents) on a pedestal but not make them a part of our everyday life. We only think, ‘Badon ke hone se ghar mein barkat aati hai, lekin unko unki zindagi jeene ka adhikaar hai uski sensitivity, we don't have.’ (We only think that we flourish with the presence of our elders, but we lack sensitivity in allowing them to live their lives)," the veteran actor expressed.

Shabana was a caregiver during her parents' last days. She recalled that it was not easy for her "fiercely independent parents" to accept that they needed assistance. However, Shaukat Azmi and Kaifi Azmi were still comfortable with Shabana assisting them, they didn't like anyone else coming to help --partly because people were unaware of how to assist them properly.

Shabana Azmi, who will turn 75 in September, looks at ageing as a "beautiful thing" and has "no problem" with it. She thinks running away from it is "a foolish attitude." Recently, Shabana also celebrated her husband, screenwriter Javed Akhtar’s 80th birthday with much aplomb. She said she and Javed accept that they are growing old.

When asked how they manage to age with joy and happiness, the actor said, "Because we are creative people, we fortunately have work to look forward to. We are not consciously thinking about it every day, but we are aware of the fact that slowly our faculties are going to get less sharp, particularly memory. Naam toh kisi ka yaad hi nahi rehta hai (We don't remember anyone's name)."

Shabana Azmi concludes the conversation with a massage, "Have more sensitivity towards ageing people. Stop feeling embarrassed if your old parents come and sit with you."